A Confession . . .

It’s Ari and I’ve got a confession to make . . . I’m not just undercover online; I hide from lots of things. Ironically, the main thing I hide from is my internet alias, my inner fangirl for want of a better word. For some unknown reason I’m shy about my taste in guys around the other girls in my year level. Sure I have a bit of a ‘different’ taste in guys (meaning I fancy men that people have never heard of or don’t like) and I do have a personality that lends itself to slightly obsessive behaviours when it comes to certain things but I notice myself going all bashful and shy about it with girls my age. I think that a lot of girls that know me just from school, if they read my forum posts and chat logs with certain other people *cough* WILLOW *cough* would be extremely shocked. I’m not self-conscious about much but I’m VERY conscious about this.
Perfect example: today, at the end of a hectic day and a thoroughly exhausting week I was tired and worn down. Then I discovered that my iPod was missing. My iPod touch is my pride and joy. It has 16 gig of storage space, wireless internet connection and a touch calculator (which is surprisingly handy). I’m never seen without it. I was livid when I couldn’t find it. When Di came looking for me at the end of the day I was in a right state. I was swearing and panicking and close to tears (something that doesn’t happen very often to me). My first thought was ‘OH GOD MY IPOD! MY FOUR HUNDRED AND SOMETHING DOLLAR IPOD!’ then I thought ‘How can I live without my iPod? What will my parents say?’ and then thirdly, a horrible thought struck me that made the shudder, wince and gag at the same time. What if someone found the iPod, went through my pictures and found my folder full of British eye-candy?! How would I explain 15 beaming pictures of Jonas, David Tennant, Richard Hammond and Chris Martin being on my iPod alongside the photos of me and my friends all dolled up for a social? Would I be able to look that person in the eye again? Would I be able to look anybody in the eye again? A terrible panic seized me along with a determination to save my vanity and find my iPod.
Ok, so it was in my sports bag the whole time but that’s not the point. The point is that I was more worried about it being found and my pictures being discovered than losing it in the first place. I hate the thought of the girls in my year level discovering my crushes and I don’t know why. Unlike most girls my age I have a very specific type that I’m attracted to and I stick to just that type (and I have very high standards) but that’s enough to write a whole blog on alone. That still doesn’t explain why I’m so shy! I’m normally a tomboy and I only open up about these things to a select few. A select few real world friends that is. Di and a couple of our other friends are the only ones I talk to about these things face to face and I still find that awkward. There’s something reassuring about text on a computer screen that emboldens me. Maybe it’s just nice to know that the people on the forum are exactly like you: unashamedly fangirly. They’re not going to laugh or pass rumours on to their friends! I think only us fangirls can truly appreciate the value (the entertainment value that is) of evaluating, comparing and enjoying masculine perfection. Mean-time, I’m still not gonna say anything about my weird dreams and crazy obsessions to the girls I sit next to in English class. After all, these are the same girls that presented a case to me just the other day about why Stephanie Meyer is far better than Shakespeare. Puh-lease!! If you take that into account can you blame me?!

Ari

P.S. I can see that the start of a competition between Pia and I is going to end badly . . . it'll be fun though *blows raspberry at Pia* :P