Why?

Why is it that bad things happen to good people?

Why is it that when we hear bad news, some people can cope better than others?


9 weeks ago, my best friend was diagnosed with a brain tumour, which we now know to be cancer. I won't deny that since then, I've been terrified. Of course, I don't tell her any of this. That's not going to help anything.

But what is one supposed to do when one's close friend is diagnosed with a cancer that often proves fatal? What is one supposed to do when one hears said friend discussing how they know it may kill them, and there is absolutely nothing that you can do or say to help them?

Sometimes the concept of it all is so overwhelming, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus on any work - I haven't been able to do any decent work in 9 WEEKS. My grades are slipping, my ability to interact with others is taking a massive blow, my family are pissed at me, my friends are confused. IT'S SHIT.

That's more long term effects though, the insomnia and the lack of focus. Every now and again, I'll be sitting quietly, doing something mundane and everyday and it'll hit me, the severity of the situation. Because it's REAL, it's not Booth from Bones who'll hallucinate about seeing Stewie from Family Guy and then have an operation and come out hunky dory, it's TRULY, REALLY happening. And when I realise that, I can't breathe. My chest goes tight, my eyes prickle and I'm paralysed with fear.

And in the midst of it all, life goes on. Outside of the small circle of people who know, everyone else walks by, oblivious to the reality being faced by the 5 or so of us that know the whole story. And it's just WRONG to see everything else thrive in the face of such a debilitating prospect.

To top the whole thing off, my sisters have decided to up the game when it comes to insulting me, taking the most puerile and derisive forms of torment, greeting me every morning with "move it fatty, we're going to be late" or mimicking eating while I'm around. It's stupid, and it's meaningless, and yet it hurts so much. Little things like this get to me when they never, ever used to, and I HATE it.

Worst of all, I don't want to complain to anyone about what I'm feeling for two reasons:

1. I'm not the one with the problem, really, it's my friend. My reaction is surely an overreaction, and people are going to think I'm a wimp, and a selfish bitch for worrying about and feeling sorry for myself when I fall into black moods
2. As soon as I bring my inability to cope to the attention of staff at my school, it only gets worse - people who go to see the counsellor are called out of class, spoken to conspiratorially by teachers, looked at curiously by peers, parents are called etc. Nothing stays the same, and I want to show everyone that I can handle it, because if I can't deal with it and I'm not even the one with the problem, how the hell am I supposed to help my friend.

That being said, in theory, no one here reading this is a counsellor at my school. So, help me?

Missing it

Ok, it's been two months since the musical ended. And I'm still not over it by any stretch of the imagination

For a few weeks, I missed it desperately. I wanted rehearsals back so badly, I needed to see all my friends again. It was terrible

Since then I've moved on a fair amount, I don't miss it as much as I do. But I still miss the comraderie of the adrenaline to prepare, to perform. It was incredible and I need it back.

Also, I've had Elvis stuck in my head for TWO MONTHS!! It's been brilliant XD

Opening Night

IT'S ARRIVED!

Opening night!! In 5 hours time, I will be on stage. The last 4 months have culminated in THIS.

I'm excited XD

~Pia

Normality

Ever wanted to change who you are?



I mean, been perfectly fine with what you're like, then realising that maybe, you're not right after all? Ok, so, let's have a little context.



Rehearsal. We had to do the scene. As in "The Scene." Capitalised, underlined, italicised and all that.

Anyway, we did it, it was awkward and weird and whatever, there was cheering and turning bright red and whatnot. And all was amusing and whatever, there were weird looks at school and stuff and I survived the ordeal.



Apparently, the other factor in the equation hasn't... so well.



It's hilarious that he has to "hook up" with a geek.

I'm apparently the laughing stock of his entire year.

Have I done the wrong thing or something? I'm all wrong. It explains a lot, really, A hell of a lot.



I know I'm a geek. I don't need someone to tell me that, and I've never seen it as a problem before, much. I mean, it's never nice being the klutz of the group, but when people are laughing, everything's ok. And if they have to laugh at me to laugh at all, I've been willing to do that. Now, I'm not so sure that's the best idea.



So, the long and short of it all is.. what do I do?



Is it possible to take a class on normality? And even if it is, how effective would it actually be... and do I really want it? I know my methods aren't the best, and they're not beneficial for me in the long run, but when people aren't taking me seriously I don't need to pretend so much that I sometimes wish I was as cool and calm and normal as everyone else. When people laugh I'm safe.



Any ideas?

Rehearsal

29th April 2009.

Rehearsal... interesting XD

Ah, Ancient History

Me again. In Ancient. Again.

We're all sitting around preparing for our essay assessment task next week on preserved human remains, you know, Otzi the Iceman and the like. I have Margie on my right surprised at the fact that they found a body from the Iron Age who had his hair in a mohawk with the use of hair gel made from resin and something else (she's gone off the page now, so I can't see. Darn) and my friend Kristie and I lamenting our Extension English creative writing tasks. I might post it up here later, we shall see.

I'm seriously lacking in new recordings for my youtube page as my computer has, sadly, kicked the proverbial bucket. *sniff* It's gone and died completely, so I cannae make recordings without the help of my Audacity overlay so I can add harmonies and the like. So, that's annoying, considering I have a ton I want to record.

Musical continues to be awesome, even in the absence of rehearsals. We were meant to have one yesterday, except we're the only school that had gone back yesterday, so it was cancelled *stab*. Next rehearsal tomorrow, but even when rehearsals aren't on, I catch myself humming the songs, or sitting in the car mentally singing "Roustabout" every time we go around a roundabout. (I know, I'm that sad :P) and walking around reciting lines (not all of which are even mine XD) and singing other people's songs. Seriously, when this musical is over I'm going to go into withdrawal. Holidays nearly killed me, two weeks without seeing everyone; imagine what I'll do when I can't go.. at all. It'll be so tough!! But I'm desperately hoping that I'll stay in touch with a lot of my friends from there, I've met so many brilliant people that I'm not willing to say goodbye to.

So anyway, faithful reader, I should probably get back to work. I love this blog, gives me a chance to rant! Ari's looking into blogging for Girlfriend magazine (I think it's Girlfriend, anyway) and I really want to try now, but I don't want to chime in when she's been working on it, so we'll see.

Over and out, mi amigas/amigos!

Pia

Update - taken TOO LONG.

I recently discovered a site called FML.



It's basically where a bunch of people can go online and post about what goes wrong in their lives, from falling off a chair in front of someone important to discovering they'd been drugged. (Weird, I know.)



I reckon I could contribute a lot to that site.



Let's see.



School. Ok, except the workload's insane, I have practically no time for homework, and as soon as we get to week two, I'm going to be hit by a truckload of exams, and I don't know how I'm going to cope. Oh, and I failed the maths exam. Saw that coming.



Holidays. Salvation, to be honest, but holidays aren't what they used to be. They've gone from relaxation time where you hang out with friends and sleep in a lot to school days... where you don't actually have to go into school. I'm currently redoing the entire Year 9/10 maths syllabus because I'm rubbish, as well as studying for all my exams and writing my Faustian appropriation task for English extension.



Musical. Pretty great, though I have an issue. As I said in my last post, my character falls in love with and eventually marries her sidekick. There's just one problem with how he makes her fall in love with him.



He kisses her.

Properly.



I'm more than a little nervous, to be honest. And the more I think about it, the more pathetic I realise I am. I'm 16 years old!! 99% of teenagers have snogged someone by the age of 16, and my first kiss is going to be in front of hundreds of people. On stage. With someone I barely know.
Still, as far as career path indications go, that's not bad.



Another musical issue - my friend has no poker face, and she’s gone and fallen for this guy at the musical and now EVERYONE (including him, apparently) knows. I’m really upset for her, considering she’s so young (year below me) and she’s never dated or anything (then again, I can’t really talk, lol). So yeah, I hope it turns out ok for her.

So, what else is new? Right now I’m sitting in Ancient History, typing this on a Word document with white font so no one can see what I’m typing. Clever, no?

I have rehearsal again on Wednesday, I had two full day ones on the weekend, they were fantastic! Seriously, it actually could be illegal to have that much fun in one 48 hour period. I had rehearsal on Sat from 10-5, then my friend’s 17th birthday party, then rehearsal again on Sunday from 10-5 again. Basically a weekend of hanging out with friends, singing, dancing, acting, sharing interesting experiences and news, having the best time in the world.

And now, two days until my next one. Too. Damn. Long.

Like the length of time it's taken for me to post something new. Also too damn long. I shall be having a stern word with Di and Ari. Shame, really. Shame on us all.

Talk later!
~Pia